Baby swag I

I have so far in my life experienced three occasions upon which people give you things for something you have done to yourself (or someone else): Graduation, Marriage, and Pregnancy. Yesterday, we experienced a baby shower; more accurately, Jess experienced a shower and I experienced a lot of driving back and forth.

There will be two showers – one in south PA, one in the frozen north – bookending this Thanksgiving break. From this first, we received a nice arrangement of clothes, feeding devices, and sitting apparati from some very thoughtful people. I will be expecting high-end electronics from the second. Okay, so the gifts really aren’t for you, but as we’re both now over 30 and thus no longer eligible for actual birthdays, we’ll take what we can get. Have a look:

This is but a sampling of the army of onesies, clothes, and towels we received. I am told it will likely still not be enough.

We also got a nice assortment of handmade items (that’s a sling in the center from my sister), some stuffed animals and some spirit items (the Steelers bib will be moderated by some Bills apparel – no child should grow up expecting consistency from their team).

This is a Bumbo. It is not a toilet (although they do make them). It is used for the baby to sit up in once it can support its head. It is also lightweight and makes a good projectile.

This is a Boppy (noticing a trend with these names?). It is not the main kind of Boppy, it is a “newborn lounger,” presumably where an infant can relax after a long day and WHERE’S THAT BEER?!? Like a bean bag chair, but for babies.

Dogs do not understand Boppies.

This is a nipple brush. It is not for what you think.

And a nice music box that plays Christmas and Inspirational music. “Inspirational” here is code for hymns; it does not play anything from Jock Jams, or even “We’re Not Gonna Take It,” so my kid will never learn how to spin around and turn into Dee Snider (if you haven’t seen that video in a while, you really owe it to yourself to click the link). Once again, it is beyond the comprehension of your typical dog.

So that’s what the fallout from a baby shower looks like. Thanks for the gifts, those who gave ’em. Non-parents, this is what you have to look forward to. Dogs, there’s nothing for you here.

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