Signs of the times

So now there’s a pumpkin pie shortage? And on the heels of the waffle shortage, no less? Truly, we are living in the end times:

Nestle is the largest national brand for canned pumpkin products, with 80 to 90 percent of the market, the company said.

(snip)

“There are a lot of beautiful pumpkins out there that we just can’t rescue,” said Nestle spokeswoman Roz O’Hearn.

It sounds kinda heartbreaking when they put it like that, doesn’t it? Like they should have one of those ASPCA commercials where Sarah McLachlan shows me a bunch of pictures of sad-eyed gourds that’ll make me want to jump off a damn bridge.

Three signs to talk about today, two questionable, one admirable. The first from Cracker Barrel, which came along with my blueberry pancakes:

Hey, 100% pure natural syrup! That sounds terrific! Well yeah, but notice the fine print:

That’s 55% pure maple syrup, 45% cane syrup. So yeah, it’s all syrup, but it ain’t all maple. I’m sure it’s fine, but it feels a little sleazy. They could have 25% baby syrup in there, but as long as it was pure and natural (none of that synthetic baby extender in there) the label would still be accurate. I am not amused by your wordplay, Maple Grove Farms.

There’s also this from Patteson Drive, the main restaurant drag here in Morgantown:

I find your pumpkin pie prices entirely within the realm of credibility, Eat ‘n’ Park.

On the more impressive side, however, was another Patteson Drive denizen: Taco Bell. A number of restaurants in town have been advertising on their signs for people to follow them on Twitter. Taco Bell, ever the iconoclast, was having none of it.

I respect the crotchetiness inherent in this sign. “Dammit,” says Taco Bell, “we’re here sell pseudo-Mexican delicacies, not to make friends!” As Mitch Hedberg put it, “It’s as though if I was a cook, and I worked my ass off to become a really good cook, and they said, ‘Alright, you’re a cook. Can you FARM?'” Well played, Taco Bell.

Finally, and for no reason other than that I can, here are some pictures of Bear in the Cone of Shame, which we tried on him at Petco.

Look at the goofy bastard. He loves it!

YOU ARE DISGRACING THE CONE OF SHAME, BEAR.

Have a super weekend!

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